We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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