I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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