woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
