I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
