Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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