I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
