i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
