Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
