As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You left your phone here
Wait...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
