Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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