oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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