You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
