also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Are we still banned from the library?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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