i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
