if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
