I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
