Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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