there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
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Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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