She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
