why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
