I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
