My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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