barbara walters just said penis...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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