i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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