I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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