We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
