Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize