I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
