i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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