we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
