anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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