I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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