I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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