T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize