okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
