i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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