they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
