Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
