I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is the high leading the old right now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
