Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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