I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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