She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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