I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm like, not good at living.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
