you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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