Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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