I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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