Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
