Don't you send me to vm
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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