In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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