dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
