So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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