I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
