she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
