He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
