never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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