And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you win again, gameday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
