he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
