I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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