i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
