you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
