Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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