Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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