Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
