I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's official drugs can't kill me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
