Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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