Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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