1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
