well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
