I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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