She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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