Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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